The Social media pictures and posts I’ve seen from fellow midlifers at the start of this new year seem to be mainly about inspiring friends (and ourselves) to spend less time sharing our lives through a screen and more time sharing it in real life.
Starting 2023, a year when I get a free bus pass (becoming 60 in London) has certainly crystalised my mind around finding the answer to how I want to spend, not just 2023, but the whole fricking second stage of my life!
So many of us midlifers plateaued or became superfluous to our own careers during Covid. Not out of choice, but essentially out of economic ageism. And it isn’t going to get any better with artificial intelligence replacing the emotional intelligence we built our own careers on. Work from home means we are unlikely to ever go back to an office, and the way work is structured now, we could easily go days without talking to another person.
We can feel stuck and worried about life drifting past. Reaching a midlife plateau is an under-recognised, significant life-changing moment, that we all one day reach. Similar to moving home, having a baby, or going through the menopause, it is stressful and tough on relationships.
We just want to feel we still provide some value and are relevant.
This is what helped me work out how I could enjoy some success, purpose and happiness in the second half of life.
Author Arthur Brooks suggests we have 3 choices when we reach this stage…
1 We can deny the facts and rage against our situation - setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment.
2 We can shrug and give in to it - and experience our ageing as an unavoidable tragedy.
3 Or we can accept that what got us to this point won't work to get us into the future - that we need to build some new strengths and skills.
Reaching acceptance that our own skills and strengths, which we developed to have the best career we could, have been superseded. That’s tough, but I believe is needed, to really invest in re-inventing ourselves, finding new relevance and gaining new enthusiasm.
I spent a lot of time researching, reading, dwelling and probably too much time in my own head, to reach my own acceptance. I went through a period of fighting it.
But that time was useful, in understanding that office life and all it entails has moved on… but also, so have I.
I want to live a life outside, sharing my time with other people. Very hopefully, a simpler life – a cup of coffee to start each day outside, where how I spend my time is more important than how I spend my money.
I fell into the habit of using a screen as a safety net to cover the time when I was bored but really, they are a barrier, a barrier to leading the life I want to live - constructively & connecting with other people.
In all my trawling and scrolling the one fact that cemented my own choice of future was discovering that the average age when a person loses some ability to live a fully active life is at only 70 years old - that’s now just ten years’ time for me!
In-between jobs, I committed time to cycle around much of the world, but I’ve never earnt a living from it and shared my experience and love for getting the most from every cycle journey.
So… although having always lived within my means, I took a financial risk and bought somewhere in a place I love - Greece, with a person I love Helen, to do something I love, cycling - and started a cycle holiday company. Now, the plan is I get to cycle outside on beautiful coastal roads and tough climbs - with other people, every day.
To become successful it will require learning new skills - from an understanding of Greek property law, outdoor first aid, online marketing, and a new language to cooking up a hearty Greek breakfast - and hard work in a new career - but I have the new enthusiasm to make it work.
So, my own personal conclusion, once you hit that midlife plateau - Do more of what you love... Something you're passionate about, and try to earn a living from it - it's the same advice savvy entrepreneurs give to our children today when they are at the start of their career - if you do something you love for three years, you'll be an expert and in a position to make a living from it - from employment, advising or starting your own business...taking people on great bike rides.
